i am tired.
my eyelids are heavy.
contacts sucked my eyes, dry.

've got work tomorrow.
i should go to bed now.

but i'm not doing any of it.

i have nothing to do online now..
i'm not talking to anyone.
i'm not watching youtube videos.

all i did for the past hour was, stare at the laptop's monitor screen and listen to songs.

yes, staring at the monitor screen and not doing anything.

in other words, im stoning. i know tonight's entry is gonna bore everyone out, but i had to do this.

my feelings are so mixed up now..

like placing strawberry syrup and vanilla ice cream in a blender.(yum, i know.)

i feeeeeeeeeeel weird and confused right now.
it's happening too fast.

i stared at the monitor screeen for an hour thinking what u had said..

im not hating it. im trying to accept it.

god, this shit is confusing.

what does my heart tell me now? what is it? im still searching for the answer.. yes, i am the only one whose able to answer this question.
**

if youre reading this, i just wanna let you know that.. you're awesome. you really are...
it's just me. i'm sorry.. i need some time.
**

i didnt know such things wld be so confusing, now i know...
***

p.s: close friends out there, if u had read this.. you're dying to find out what happened. dont even bother, seriously. im gonna deal with it and keep it low. i know THIS isnt a bad thing but i just dont wanna talk about it to anyone. im sorry, if we are tight or anying, i just dont wanna. i hope you(my friends) understand. thanks.

yes, what the hell is wrong with Windows Live Messenger & Hotmail?!

since 9:00pm, Ive been trying to log into Windows Live Messenger without fail and now it's 2:26am. Im stil not able to log in yet. everytime I log in, they display some kinda error message telling me Windows Live Messenger is temporaily unavailable.

Fair enough, I used ILOVEIM.COM instead. I then ask my friend to see if Windows Live is down or something, he told me, he's using Windows Live and it's working perfectly alright.

!!!!!!!!!!!! I tried fixing it. EVen remove the whole thing and reinstall again. SAME SHIT HAPPENING! I give up.

Besides that, hotmail is being a bitch too. Im unable to to log in there to check my mails. Everytime I log in, it says.. 'This page cannot be displayed.'

'..................................................'

Other than that, the internet connection wld die on me for no reason! Suck balls or what??

Youtube videos take awfully long to load. Other wise, watching it half way and it stops there.

YES, I AM RANTING RIGHT NOW.. I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE.

So here I am, since 9:30pm. After 5 fucking hours later. STill cant get into Windows Live, fearing the internet connection wld just die again, anytime. Not doing anything here, online. Idling around like an idiot.

& now what? OH, ranting and typing away here on my blog to mark today's entry.

WHAT A PLEASANT SURPRISE TO ALL OF YOU OUT THERE, OH, WOW. OH, JOY..

fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk the world.

2 of the couple of pictures i got from liling via email.

the camp we organized in school 2 years ago. time sure flies!

i miss 3D2N camps. ):



that's her in red, throwing a bucket of cold water all over me. look at that expression of hers. like shes been waiting for this day to come for a long time. :/

& i remember it was the second day of the camp. at around 10+ in the morning. sun was shining brightly in the sky. the weather was goooooooood. :D

that's henna on my foot. lol.


& again that's her before i got sabotaged by herself and a group of people. so much to thank me for being the organizer. THANKS UH! they were all waiting for the damn day to come! :/

(liling thinks her legs looked damn sexy in the above picture. LOLOLOL. :b)

i was allllllllll wet at the end of it and not getting enough sleep from the 1st night. had alot of things to settle. falling asleep at only 5am. woke up 2 hours later for assemble, breakfast and the above activity. (station games if im not wrong.)

so yeah, i didnt had enough sleep. i got the others to take over my duty while i head back into the room to catch some sleep.

YES, i fell asleep instantly in the room with the air-conditioner turned on full blast & yes, still had my wet clothes on.. (too tired to bother to change into a set of dry & comfy clothes. WTH, I KNOW!)

results after 2 hours of nap? fever/ drowsiness. i was shivering when i woke up. lol.. liling & qal knows. I WAS LIKE, DYING.. HAHAHAHAHHAHA!

i felt much better when diner time approached.

those were the days. the best time i had through out the whoel camp? NIGHT WALK. WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO. :D

but that was then. i dont even get to go to any of these camps now. :/

the proposal/ hardwork we put in was totally worth it. i had fun going giant getting the food and what not for the whole camp too!

wish i was back at school again, getting it done. YAHOOO!

AHHH~ MEMORIES. :/

i always liked the ipod commercials. the idea/ concept of it just looks too cool & of cos the songs they feature on all of their commercials. heehee.

i love this song! (: black eyed peas remixed it. but still sounds awesome. it's a spanish song aye? pretty sure about it, heh. above video isnt the original video, thou.

and not forgetting, their smokin' hot member..

fergie!


with abs and legs to die for! omfg. i dont care if the picture above is highly photoshopped. but still, proven she gt abs. (!!!)

would totally kill to get abs like hers!
(YES YES YES! which girl wouldnt? oh, maybe keira knightley, cos she gt awesome lookin' abs too. :/ and girls with flabby tummy fetish. LOLOLOL)

would turn lesbian for her. hahahahahaha. (JUST KIDDING.)
***

1. my eyes are so dry from contacts

(yes, time to have em taken out.)

2. my hair tied in a very messy way, like how i like it.

(oh i love my highlights! its been almost a month. time flies.)

3. my eyes closing soon, i slept late last night.

(felt totally refreshed after my 2 hours nap in the locker room during split shift break. yahoooooooooo! :b)

4. pay day's on monday

(another thing to yay, about. :D)

5. its 3am now, and im still here typing away.

(what the heck!)
***

ciao!

like talking to you, i really do. it's been awhile... i am for real.

you gotta listen to this! it's awesome.

not a fan of house but yeah. while typing this, im bobbing my head to house music(HAHAHAHA!), with headphones on of cos. i dont wanna get thrown out of the house for something like that. lol.

im even doing some kinda weird ass dance, a ritual dance i call. but im still on my seat. not standing up. ): HAHAHA, i cant dance for nuts but still! dang fun. WOOOH.

im probably one of those who attempt to dance like crazy even without heading to a club. i dont like clubbing, btw! no offence to the hard core clubbers out there.

i might even make a video out of it. OMG. heh.. stay tune.

ok, im gone. i cant sit still now.

YEOWWWWWWWWW! :D

1. i can't come up with a proper title of today's entry. so yeah, "random thoughts." shall be the entry's title. WHO CARES ABOUT TITLES ANYWAY?! anyway, aint my entry random enough. i guess u gotta read on to know if its random enough. :b

2. picture above is a jump rope or what you call a skipping rope. thou to me, skipping rope is more like something for child's play that kinda? lol. jump rope sound more professional like, where by u use it to work out.

ive got one of that lying on my shelf. i might as well make good use of that, since i dun have time to go jogging or anything like that(more like an excuse. HAH!)

im gonna work on that and yes, stick to it. im gonna sweat like a dog.. so much sweat, when i take off my top, i squeeze dry it, i'd see all that sweat draining outta my shirt(god, the thought of it looks/ sounds gross.)

3. i have no idea, why am i listening to britney spears right now. those super old school tracks of hers. you probably went crazy over when ure like what, 10-11?(if youre the same age as me.)

4. ive got thoughts to stop logging into messenger(MSN) why? god, i feel like im wasting my time in there. i dont do much chatting these days, like wise no one's there to talk to me. oh oh, if so.. i feel like im whining/ ranting to em. which suck alot. (do u realy think im gonna stop going into messenger? i dun even believe i wld not do that. oh great..)

5. my mom's nagging at me right now and its starting to get on my nerves. why is nagging ingrained in every women's brain like we are born to nag. SUCKS, totally.

6. i have no idea, why am i talking like that.

7. what the heck! my eyelids are heavy.

8. i feel so lonely sometimes even thou im aware my friends wld be there for me if i need em(maybe they wouldnt??) you know who you are if youre willing to be there for me.

9. sometimes, i cant find the right person to talk my heart's out. i mean u gotta look for that RIGHT person. its not like any tom/ dick/ harry or any of your close friend. JUST THAT RIGHT PERSON, y'know what im sayin'? its like looking for a needle in a hay sack! sheesh.

10. i'm tired. thinking about having to get up 5 hours and 30 minutes later, makes me drag my feet to work. thou the plus point is that restaurant closes at 8pm(SUNDAYS!) and i knock off at 6pm.
**

that sums up my whole entry. good night.

apologies for the lack of updates.

nothing interesting ENOUGH that's happening in my life right now, to be blogged about.

no inspiration to come out with an interesting entry to make you laugh or at least smile.
**

you know what? i can't be hell bothered by anything that's going on right now. ive got NOTHING to look forward to. its the same ol fucking routine every single day.

everyday, i have to be told what to do. my actions are being controlled. even on my once a week day off.. it's like an order to go to my grandma's house.

i cant stay at home? hell. doesnt mean, i go to my grandma's on my every, day off. it's a must for me to go there on every single day off.

he said(referring to my dad here.) i go over there just to use my aunt's laptop. cos my aunt's at home today, i dont dare to go over.

well u know what? the answer's no. doesn't mean my aunt's at home. i dont dare to go over. just that for today, i don't feel like going over.

what? my grandma doesnt say anything about me going over or not. why should YOU even interfere whether im going over today or not. it's my legs, my my mind. my will to go or not.

see? even during my day off.. my dad has to control me. now, i cant even stay at home and do what i want?

den he assume, the reason i go over is because of the laptop not visiting my grandma. u know what? i wld suggest to know before speaking and not pretend to be all smart and act like you know everything.

sometimes, keeping your mouth shut and not interfering wld do u good. u wont get old and grumpy that fast/ early.

even if so, yes for the sake of the laptop there. at least when i get there. i get a peace of mind. i dont hear anyone nagging at me so often like you do. i dont hear anyone swearing at me like you were born to do nothing but open your mouth to swear at people.

all i want is, not interfering in what i do. as long as i am aware, what im doing isnt wrong at all. im not committing crimes whatsoever. so i dont see, why should you be controlling my actions in whatever i do.

even what i do online, you wanna talk about it. i cant watch youtube videos, or more like what i watch is stupid to you. doesnt mean whats stupid to you is stupid for me. well, i think whatever u watch on youtube is equally stupid to me.

so yes, everyone is given a choice on what they wanna watch, so doesnt mean what you watch there is amusing to you means its amusing to everyone and vice versa.

like im watching youtube videos, he ask obnoxious questions like "why u watch youtube videos. u have to be online on msn?"

oh i didnt know while im on youtube, im not permitted to be on msn. i didnt know there was sucha law. he said the popping things on msn annoys him. well its ok to me. why should u care about the popping things?! fuck.

if it annoys you, den shift the god damn computer back to my room and u wont be annoyed. ok?

thinking about shifting the computer back to my room is a no no too. well his so fucking inconsiderate, knowing i hate the smell and smoke from cigarettes and back then when the computer is still in my room. he wld be in my room in the morning or anytime of the day.. smoking hile omn the computer.

imagine the smell thats lingering in my rooooooooom?! doesnt mean the smoke from cigarettes smells like roses to you means it smells like roses to everyone in the house. thats your problem if u wanna harm your lungs like that, but please.. dont drag everyone down like that by harming their lungs too.

if i die one day from lung diesease or something, i will come back and haunt you. cos i dont think i deserve all that shit from your smoking habits.

and again, i wanna say this.. if u hate me so much from day 1. i dont see why you bring me to this world and till now, u start mind fucking me every single day. u know why? u should have got mom to abort me. maybe that, i wont feel so miserable every single day. having to see your fuck face everyday to get through everyday.

besides having to see my dad's fuck face every single day from the time i wake up get to work and going back home..

another fuck face i have to see everyday each day is my colleague. WHO HAPPENS TO BE MY DAD'S FRIEND. she was the one who got me into this job and shes the chef there.

thank you for getting me into this job but no thanks having to see ur fuck face everyday. she gets alla ngry with me the other time for no fuck reason. if so, at least tell me what wrong ive done. so at least i know where and how im in the wrong.

one thing i hate about people is that, their emotions change without any given warning. verbal warning i mean., they just change and show their anger on the things they are doing like banging the table or answering to your questions like they swallowed fireballs or something.

just yesterday she told me "when ur dad's free get hime to call me. i wanna talk to him."

u think shes gonna just TALK to him casually like a friend to friend conversation? hell no.

i bet shes gonna complain about me. oh hey.. given the situation im having with my dad right now. if shes gonna complain to my dad about how i work daily. hes not gonna blow his top off? hah! i wont believe. i wld be skinned alive or something.

so in future, if u can.. dont ever work for your dad's or mom's friend even if they offer. if u do something wrong. ure dead meat, they fucken complain their ass off and some adults LOVE exaggerating and thats a bitch i swear..

last BUT not least to everyone out there whose trying to make my life difficult and miserable..

ITS THE 1ST OFAPRIL, TODAY!

SO THAT MEANS, APRIL FOOL'S DAY.

Got fooled yet???

if you havent, i certainly got fooled earlier by SUFIAH! that stupid girl.. told me on msn that her dad's sudden decision to migrate to malaysia for good and i was like telling her to go reason out with her dad. -_-

den she was like "HAH! april fool's!"

yes, OWNED. totally~

damn, i hate you so much now, SUFIAH!

hurrrrrrrrrrr. lol :D