sometimes i wonder,

am i too nice or is it just that people are just being selfish when i really need their help.

ok, dear friends.. i know its probably the 12823894th time ure seeing such an entry. but i cant help it.. u can choose to go some other sites now if u want to, im not stoppin you. i guess i just have to let it all out here otherwise i might go crazy one day with all these thoughts or something. i dont know.

i know im not the perfect friend/ daughter/ colleague/ human being one can ever have but i can say that im not the worse.(people who know me well enough, should agree to this.)

i offer help whenever i can. i try to help you as much as possible, but if its not within what i can do den im sorry, i cant..

at times even thou if its beyond what i can do, i wld try to help you. even if the lil help i've given doesnt really do much but at least i took the initiative to, not leaving u alone to "die." on your own.

yes.. so, this is me. i dont ask for anything in return after what ive done. just sincere appreciation from the person uve helped. i guess everyone wants that appreciation after uve done a deed for the person in need.

i got it and im thankful that the person had appreciated for what ive done for him /her. my job is done here.
_____

just earlier on, i called one of my colleagues to ask that if i can take his shift which is at 12pm instead of my own shift which starts at 10am because im afraid i cant wake up & be at work on time.

(my hectic schedule, i end work at 2am today and the next day's schedule is at 10am. by the time i get home and settle down its already 4am. how am i gonna survive with only 4 hours of sleep to get my engine to start again for teh next day's shift which starts at 10am till 11pm? tell me how.. not talking about teh previous day's shift which is from 12pm till 2am.)

he just answered me, "oh i cant, cos ive already set my time to work at 12pm. im sorry i cant help you."

seriously, i dont see why he cant help me.

(i know i cant be compared with him in work wise cos i admit he is much more faster/ efficient and hardworking than me and hes always punctual and stuff. all teh gd points at work.)

1stly, he had his day off today(date: 25th sept '08) more than enough time to rest and recover.

2ndly, i dont see why he cant help me when ive helped him cover his shift last monday which starts at 12pm-2am, when it was suppose to be my day off and i had to cover for him cos he had something on which he claims its impt, to settle with his wife.(ok not really cover for him but just exchanged day off, his was on teh next day. but not everyone is willing to do that.)

to add on, i had really bad cramps on that fateful day due to my period(1st day). i almost break down. my stomach was churning, beads of sweat run down from my forehead and i had to squat down the whole afternoon cos it was so bad. force myself to stand up cos theres an order to do. working with a fucker who think that he knows everything and it was his 1st day of work.

& this isnt the 1st time. when my best friend had his P.O.P ceremony and he was asking me to go attend the ceremony and go witness him go thru the P.O.P ceremony which i was dying to go to also cos its a 1 time experience to see how its like.

its not everytime u can witness such things. whats more your friend inviting you there.

so back to my best friend asking me to go witness his P.O.P ceremony. i didnt promise him that i can go or not cos i had work that day, just nice it was my colleague's day off. so one day before his day off i asked him..

"hey, can i exchange my day-off with ya? cos its my friend's P.O.P ceremony and he wants me to go witness it. can i?"

his reply just left me in disappoinment. not only me, my friend too.. who was waiting for my answer if i can attend or not. his reply was,

"im sorry i cant exchange with ya, cos it happens to be my wife's day off too. we wld really wsh to spend our day-off together to go out and stuff. why didnt u tell me earlier? ive already made plans."

all i cld say is "naw thats ok, its your day-off anyways. enjoy your day off then. "walk away in disappoinment.

in my heart all i did was scream my arteries off "oh, damnnnnnnnnn.. fuckkkkkkkkkkkk!"

i so wanted to ask him if spending time with his wife is so important that u cant help out your colleague? just one day? its not like u dun see your wife every day before u leave for work and when u get home? both of you live in singapore(hes a foreigner, btw.) not seperately, but teh same house. how much time can the both of you spend with each other? its only 24 hours.

u expect me to help you out cos ube got something really impt to attend to so therefore i agree to exchange my day off. but when i was in need of that day off which i didnt get and i wanna exchange it with ya..

u just turn me down by saying "both my wife & me happen to share the same day-off.. so yeah..."

what more cld i say besides "oh, sorry! thats ok. its ur day off anyway"

?????
____

yes, i know after reading this part u might say,

"well, easy. next time when he needs to exchange his day off with ya, refuse to. see? problem solved."

i dun wanna be the bad guy although i always dont my day off, exchanged.

ok, i shouldnt even complain huh? in the 1st place. -_- ok, whatever.

selfish or what? i dont know. u shall judge.
____

it's 3 minutes to 5am. goodness gracious me.. this means, only 3 hours of sleeping time.

sigh, why is it a friday night! i hate friday nights! and F1's here in a few days and all the bus routes wld be changed due to the race.

CO-INCIDENTALLY, the race is taking place near, my workplace.. therefore, the bus service im takin wld be affected as well.. ):

hate friday nights, hate F1.(just kidding.)

ok, night world.