I'm not on the bright side, ever since yesterday. If I could, I wld love to put on that sad smile where ever I go, without being questioned by familiar faces with the usual questions..

"Why? What's wrong?"

"Are you feeling alright?"
**

Well I don't! I feel like pouring my unhappiness to my closest friends. But I can't, everytime I try to.. Nothing comes out. I tell myself I am strong. I am gonna go through this and put up that smile time and time again. How many times u see a girl smile like an idiot after being put down? Not many. Some just cry and cry, the others just pull that long face for the rest of the day and refuse to talk to you.

I truly respect those who are strong on the inside and outside as well. I seem strong on the outside, but deep inside me, it's weak.(Not all the time.) But I dont show it.

At times, I just wanna curl up and cry, sobbing hard. I need someone by my side to tell me,

"Caron, it's ok. It's fine. You've done good.."

I need a shoulder to lean on, I need a helping hand. But are they any kind souls out there? I may sound desperate in a way. But every other person needs a helping hand, a shoulder to lean on when they're feeling down, not in a very good mood, etc. Agreed?

Is that too much to ask for? I wonder.

I try to be the best, but I know I'll never be. I'm no perfectionist, well I try to be. But I realise being too much of a perfectionist is a problem too.
**

I'm trying to be positive nowadays, after reading up quite alot from books, magazines of any sort, websites too. Those who offer good advice.. Those that teach 'Ways to be positve.' or 'How to boost your self-esteem.' and even 'Gaining self-confidence.'

One always say 'Confidence is sexy.' True enough, I've seen it with my own eyes. I've got friends who are like that.

Where's confidence? I'm still searching for it. If it really makes a person look totally different. I wld pay a million bucks, if I'm loaded.. If confidence can be purchased. Everyone wld be queueing up for it.
**

Sighhhhhh....